Rejection.

I used to be outgoing in High School. I worked in retail, and was really crazy good at it, for 5 and a half years. I could sell you the ugliest pair of shoes like they were a pair of Louboutin's, seriously I want a pair of them!!!  I loved my job. Honestly I did. I loved helping people. I loved being stylish. I loved the energy. What I didn't love was missing my family. Not having a life really can take a toll on you. I was worn down and tired. 

I'm pretty sure that is partially what attracted me to the business side of Plexus. The flexibility. The dream of staying home. 

When I was working at "the retail store" I was trained to not take NO for an answer. To keep offering products until the customer said yes. And I was GooooooooD at it. I had the highest sales in my store or whatever store I was working in. But somehow I didn't let that training and jnowledge come with me when I started working my Plexus business full time. I let the word "No" terrify me to the point I can't bring myself to talk about it to random strangers.  And I don't know why I do it! That's not me! People will ask me about my purse that I got from littleblackbag.com and I'll tell them how I got it at a steal! 3 purses, a bottle of hair spray, earrings, bracelets, and  a necklace for $50! One of them was a London fog! I can tell people about the sales I find! I can tell people about anything and everything else. But I've let the fear of rejection from sharing Plexus with others rule my life for way too long. 

NOT ANY MORE!!!

I refuse to let a two letter word rule my life and determine my future any longer. So yes I'm going to annoy you when I see you in person, asking if you have heard or seen my posts about Plexus. You can tell me to shut up or stop talking all you want. You can tell me I puke Plexus all over the place. But guess what? Your opinions don't pay my bills. Your opinion of me doesn't make me who I am, well unless you think I'm awesome because well I am! 😉 But seriously, I will not hold back any more! I will not prejudge people on if they could benefit from our products. I will not pretend I don't have a product that could help you. I WILL NOT BE STOPPED. You can try to keep me down, but it's not going to work. God has a plan for me and I am almost certain it is helping others with Plexus. I love these products. They have changed my life. This company has changed my life. It's only taken me a year to determine that I won't allow fear to dictate my future, but in that time, I have found my passion. 

So watch me grow in to a bigger person as I find my footing in life...

Happiness

I've always equated being happy to what other people's standards are. Money, sex, significant others, job, possessions, their body. And I have always judged people by what makes them happy. If it's money, they're greedy. Sex, they're slutty. Significant others mean they can't be happy alone. Job, over achiever and typically don't have a life. Possessions, materialistic. Body, oh lord don't get me started but if you equated having a hot body to being happy I would have made fun of you while I ate a box of cookies and a giant burger in front of you . 

When I wasn't happy, I only cared about one of the things listed above. And I judged myself on it. And to fill the void of happiness I would shop my heart out. I have about a closet full of clothes I've never worn that still have tags on them! I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is. Then when the shopping lost it's high, I started a business. First it was Scentsy, and I failed miserably. Then it was Mary Kay. That was a joke, I have make up I ordered that will never get used! Why on earth did I order dark brown base when I am pale as a ghost...? Some things I will never understand. Then I joined It Works! I tried when I started this business, but I lost interest after 4 months. I started shopping again. THEN, I started pure romance. I never once did anything. I swore then, mlm's were not for me and I would never do one again. 

Then I decided I would try to make myself happy again. This time I turned my focus on my weight. "Maybe if I get skinny some one will love me and I'll be happy." This was an actual thought I had when I got out of my last bad relationship. I know it's a bad thought; but I was in a bad place. So I started looking in to every thing you could imagine. I found plexus. I started the products and fell in love. I am a firm believe in NEVER PAY RETAIL. It is ingrained in my head and has been since I was born, THANKS GRANNY! So I joined for the prices. I'm cheap, don't hate. But I was not interested in working the business until almost a week laters when someone asked for my website. Then someone joined my team. Then I was hooked. Maybe there was something to this thing. 2 weeks later and I promoted to silver. Then I decided well I'm going to convention 4 months later. And I went. I was so happy. 

In that time between me joining and going to convention. I lost weight. I fell I love with the most amazing man. Found out I was pregnant. But most importantly I fell in love with myself. I became healthy and all of those negative thoughts vanished. It's amazing what changing your lifestyle can do to your self esteem. Even if I wasn't losing weight with plexus I don't think I could ever quit it. Even if I wasn't making money, I couldn't quit. I found my self and my happiness thru these products. They helped me let go of the hurt and my food and shopping problems. I became "me" again. And that has been the best side effect I could ever have imagined. 

So yes I joined a mlm, and I love it. I am happy with my life. 2 beautiful little girls. 1 amazing man who I love with all of my heart. And a booming business that Hod has blessed me with. 

I am happy. I'm starting to find my footing...

Pain

Pain. Hurt. Sadness. Grief. Sickness. Loneliness. Cancer. Chemo. Radiation. Chest compressions. Life support. Death...

All words that a 19 year old should never have to imagine when it comes to their mom. 

Today would have been my mom's 50th birthday. Just thinking about it brings buring tears to my eyes. I sit here and imagine planning her surprise birthday party. The cake. The balloons. The over the hill signs. The not calling her old ever or else she would give me the "look". Man it kills me. And I know a lot of what I am feeling this morning is from the insane hormone changes I am going thru but ouch, it hurts. Everyone says I look like my mom. A spitting image. That Kynslie looks like my mom when she was little. I'm sure it is meant as a compliment, I mean my mom was stunninglybeautifyl, but it doesn't feel like a compliment anymore. 

Since I have started my plexus journey, I have learned a lot about why cancer attacks. Gut health and not enough oxygenation in the blood. Cancer can not survive in an alkaline state. I always thought my mom was fairly healthy. I mean, why on earth would a deadly disease attack a "healthy, good hearted, nice person"? Why is what I will never understand.  I mean she was only 45 when she died. She had so many things to live for! 5 grandchildren at that time and a great niece that she loved with all of her heart. But now, knowing why cancer attacks and what type of environment it can and can not live in inspires me to try to fight it before it tries to eventually attack and kill me. The type of cancer my mom had has a high mortality rate, not many people beat it. It's too strong and moves too fast. Mom's tumor went from 3cm to the size of a grapefruit in the 4-6 weeks it took for them to operate on her. 

So now I am sitting here thinking about how much fun we would have had at my moms party. Laughing until we cry. Smiling until it hurts. Eating cake because well that's apparently what you're supposed to do at these parties, who knew right?  Joking about her needing a cane, and then beating dad with it. Smiling at her playing with now all 6 of her grand babies. Those thoughts hurt. My dad decided that tonight we will let go of some balloons. Knowing him there will be fireworks too. I never once knew how much my dad loved my mom until she was gone. I think I did deep down actually... I can't remember. I hate seeing my dad sad. He's 6ft 6inches. Looks like the undertaker, from wrestling. Watching him fight off the pain of loosing his wife on a daily basis... There are no words.  To say we miss her is an understatement. It's not fair but I'm learning life isn't fair. 

My mom losing her 15 month battle with this demon call adenocarcinoma of the    Duodenum is not a memory I want to live with. It is not something I would ever want my kids to watch me fight off. It's not what I ever want for anyone, not even my worst enemy. I've taken control of my health partially for this reason. Yes, I know even the healthiest of people still can get sick with cancer. Even the nice people. People who are doing God's work. People who don't deserve it. I know that, I'm not stupid. But I plan on doing everything preventative that I can do to make sure my kids never once have to see me in that state. It's not fair to them. It's not fair to anyone. 

So now I am 23, with 2 beautiful little girls. One 6, the other almost 2 weeks old. I am a proud mommy. Beyond proud, I mean I am probably the luckiest mommy ever. (Yes I know every single mother on earth says that so hush) my mom was here for almost 2 years of Kynslie's life. She helped me raise Kynslie to be the most amazing little girl. Kynslie asks and talks about my mom often which makes my heart happy! My mom left such a big impression on her that her 21 month old mind can remember it. That amazes me. Everyone says kids don't remember their toddler years but she does. That was her Mimi! So now we get to teach Lily all about her Mimi. 

I plan on being healthy for my girls. Eating right and exercise, and at 30 I will start my colonoscopies. Fun right?! Anything to live even a day longer for my girls and my family. I know my mom's oncologist will be happy to take my case if it ever comes to that, but I never want to see that man ever again. He did what he could to save mom, and I am thankful, but if I am healthy there will be no need for me to be a patient of his. 

So for now this is where my health journey is taking me. Living healthy so I can live longer. My family, the girls and Johnnie, deserve a healthy me. Oh, thanks Lily for letting me use your burp rag to wipe my tears off while I fed you writing this! And yes I know this is supposed to be my blog about my plexus journey, and this is a sad blog post, but in general it is still about plexus. We have a product that helps oxygenate the blood and another product that helps with gut health. 2 products i will never be with out. Not if it could mean saving my life one day. I plan on living until I'm 102, even though I am sure God has another plan. 

So I am sorry for a long super emotional roller coaster of a post that is pretty much my 3 am ramblings of ridiculiousness. Yeah... Sorry... Blog posting shouldn't be allowed at 3am.... Ever. 

Until next time...

Keep following me as I find my footing in life....

Confidence

I have always been self-conscious. Big eyes, spare tire tummy, muffin top, chubby cheeks, jiggly butt, flabby arms, and I can keep listing things that I have always been embarrassed about. 

I have always hidden from pictures. Standing at the back, offering to take the photo, or just opting out completely. Yes, I am the girl that will say "oh yall go ahead and take it with out me, I'm running to the bathroom really quick!" I would rather NOT remember what my body looks like at its worst. The memory is scorched in to my memory, no need to document it. Or worse, put it on social media for the entire world to laugh and mock me. I'm pretty sure that doesn't happen, or doesn't happen often, but regardless I am terrified of it. 

Joining plexus last year and posting my before and after photos that first week was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. I know everyone supported me and encouraged me, but it was way outside of my comfort zone. I had no idea that that one little step would open a whole new world to me. 

Yesterday, I went with Johnnie and the girls to a birthday party and to meet his best friend. To say I was nervous was an understatement. I usually clam up and sit by myself and stare at my phone. I stepped out of my comfort zone and talked to people. I made friends, I think at least, and I put my phone up for the most part. I even joined in a group photo at the birthday party! I am very proud of myself to be honest. 

I know that being quiet won't get me anywhere in life. I know that hiding while people are making memories will only hold me back. I know that keeping to myself and not making friends won't grow my business. So this week, I am challenging myself to open up and talk to people about my business. I will succeed in many aspects of life by stepping out of my comfort zone. Making friends, joining in memories, and not clamming up. 

I know it is going to take work, but if I don't try I will never find my footing in life...

The BIG number

Hey guys! 

So yesterday I had a dr appointment. They did the normal check your weight test. Like most women, I dread stepping foot on a scale. Even though I know I have just had a baby. Even though I haven't been able to get up and do much because of the pain from my incision. Even though eating healthy has not been on my agenda, only quick and easy and anything that my 6 year old will eat. Even though I have not been drinking my 100oz of water every day, seriously do you know how annoying it is to take off an abdominal binder each and every single time and trying to go fast and get it back on to get back to your sleeping baby? Even with all of those things, I still, like every woman, hate stepping on the scale. 

I took off my boots, which was a funny sight to see because I still can't really bend to put on or take off my shoes. Then I took off my jacket, you know getting the heavy stuff off!  I step on the scale and look down at the digital screen. Next thing I know, I'm looking at the nurse saying "holy s***!!!" 

She looks at me then looks down at my chart and back at me. I have lost a total of 22 lbs in the past 7 days. Given most of that weight is baby weight, but the best part is I am 5lbs from my lowest weight in the past 3 years. I am beyond proud of myself for not gaining weight during this pregnancy. I am proud that I watched my portion control, for the most part, and have a very healthy baby. I can say Plexus has changed my life and given me hope that I will soon be back to 165lbs. My goal is to not be a twig, but to be fit. Skinny doesn't feel near as good as healthy does. In 5 weeks I will begin working out here in my living room. Until then, keep following me while I find my footing in life. 

Catching up

Hey guys! It's 2015 and I'm going to start writing this blog. It is going to be about my family, my plexus business, and my life. So I'm going to catch you up on what all has been going on in my life and on my plexus health testimony. 

So here I go...

4 years ago I got married and 3 months later I said goodbye to my mom. She was my rock, my best friend and the best mom I could have asked for. To say we were close was an understatement. My marriage was terrible to say the very least. Cheating, finding out he *possibly conceived a child AFTER we were married*, constantly fighting, him and my family did NOT get along. Working at a job that I had convinced myself I loved but honestly hates more than life. I worked so much I barely got to see my daughter Kynslie grownup. It was stressful. I started eating to cope with my feelings. I went from 160 to 210 that year. I became addicted to fast food. It was bad. 

In 2012, I finally got the courage to leave my husband. I left 2 days before Christmas after a huge fight. I packed Kynslie's things up from the no bedroom house we lived in and left in the middle of the night. I moved home back to my dad's house and never looked back. I had met a guy who was really nice to me. Spoiled me with attention. Made me happy, or so I thought. During this time I was "promoted to manager" at the job I hated. I worked by myself for months at a time. After a year of dating, if that's what you want to call it, he would come see me once a month or so, I found out he was cheating on me. I was stupid and stayed with him anyways. 2 months later, I found out he had gotten married while we were dating. So I ate my feelings. Whataburger combo, whatasized (their version of super sized) plus about 6 large sweet teas from McDonald's every single day plus tacos for dinner. It's sad when you just walk in to a restaurant and they know you, your order, and your total instantly. 

October 11, 2013, the 3 year anniversary of my mom's death, I rushed to the doctor because I thought I was having a heart attack. 22 years old. Hooked up to an ekg machine in the doctors office was when I realized how bad I had let myself get. That day I weight 240lb. My family didn't know how much I weighed, but this was the highest I ever got. They put me on acid reflux meds and sent me to get a sonogram of my esophagus. The next day, they found an ulcer in the EXACT same spot my mom's cancer was. I completely freaked out. But in complete me fashion, I ate my feelings. 

I tried to diet to lose the weight I had packed on. I tried to cut out fast food. I just couldn't. I made a resolution 12/31/13 to lose weight so I wouldn't be sick. My mom's friend Dawn started posting on Facebook about this pink drink to make you shrink. After a few days I was curious. I messaged her. "Ok, what on earth is that pink drink? What does it do? And will it help my acid reflux?" She told me to order a 7 day trial. It arrived 2/3/14. That night I weighed, measured, and took pictures. Praying to God this stuff would work for me, I shook up this pink powder stick in a bottle of water like she told me. I drank it all. And I waited. I got to work, and for the first time I didn't WANT to sit down and play on my phone all morning. I was up doing my job and getting things done. Day 2, I did the same thing. Day 3 was the first time I didn't take tums for the first time since October. Day 4, I signed up to become an ambassador for Plexus. At the end of the 7 days, I had lost 5lbs and 13.5 inches off of my body. I was beyond thrilled. When I started plexus I was 237lbs. By the end of March, I had lost 17lbs and over 50inches. 

In late January 2014, I met my now boyfriend. He was shopping in my store one day and I will never forget those blue eyes. We texted back and forth for a few weeks and then had our first date. He showed up with 2 long stem red roses and took me to eat mexican food. That night while we were at dinner, he walked me out to my car and i checked my phone. I had signed my first level 2 ambassador. He hugged me while I cried tears of happiness. The next week, he met me for lunch at work and brought me flowers. (Those dead flowers are in my bathroom up on a shelf, I can't bring myself to ever get rid of them) He could tell I had been losing weight and told me he was proud of me. April, I swore off fast food and I started taking probio5. That month I fell in love with Johnnie. On May 1st, he took me and Kynz to her last soccer game and then we went to first Monday. I felt sooooo sick that day. May 2nd at 3am, we found out I was pregnant. Even though we had not been together long, we were both very excited. He had always wanted a baby. We laid in bed together and cried happy tears. 

May I started having issues bleeding. We thought we were going to lose the baby. I continued on my plexus slim after consulting with my doctor. I added in Xfactor multivitamin. I was put on nausea meds to keep me from being sick like I was with Kynz. My whole pregnancy I was happy and healthy. My doctor's office had a bet on when I was going to start showing. I was losing weight and feeling great! We found out we were having a girl and were so excited! At 6 months I finally started showing. 

October 2, 2014, I was fired from my job. We freaked out. No insurance. No income. No nothing. I desperately checked my plexus bank account and I had more money in there than I could have expected. I wasn't using the account for anything the entire 6 months I was getting paid. Money issue was solved. I went and applied for medicaid and was approved. Insurance issue solved. Then my doctor didn't take my insurance, big problem. I finally found a new doctor at 34 weeks pregnant. 

I had lost an additional 17lbs since the beginning of my pregnancy. I was so happy. Even with the holidays, I only gained 7lbs total from thanksgiving to new years eve. We woke up at 3:15 am. Got dressed and headed to the hospital. We get to the hospital at 430am. They hook me up and start prepping me for the planned csection to welcome our baby girl in to the world. The nurse comes in and says did you know you were having contractions? Nope! Sure didn't! At 7:30am they walked me to the or and began getting me on the table. With Johnnie by my side, we welcomed our baby girl Lillian Faith Eddins in to the world at 8:03am. She is 7lbs and 11oz. She is the definition of perfection. After a 2 day stay at the hospital they sent us home. 

We have been home for 4 full days now. I am waiting until we go back for my check up to update my weight loss. The best part is I began my plexus slim again yesterday, Monday 1/5/15, and have amazing energy. I feel great, even with the c section healing. I am bouncing back way better than I expected. My appetite in still under control. I feel good! 

Plexus has changed my life in more than one way. I not only got the only me back. I am now enjoying being home with my now 6 year old and my 6 day old baby girls. That's something I never could have imagined doing 4 months ago or even a year ago. I am beyond blessed to have my girls and the man that I love more and more each time I see him holding Lily. 

So that is my story for now. As I continue to get my pre-baby-1 body back, I will be writing about my journey. Follow me, join me as I find my footing in life.